Dryer Lint

Oh yea, I lead such an exciting life. This evening, I tackled the lovely job of cleaning the lint out of my dryer and the vent line. My 14-year old dryer is taking longer and longer to dry a load of clothes, and I REALLY don't want to replace it right now. So I started searching the Internet to see what I might do to improve things. Everything I read suggested taking everything apart and vacuuming out all of the lint, so I set about to do that. Let me tell you - it was pretty ugly and I'm sure fairly comical. Picture this - I've pulled the dryer out from the closet where it lives between the washer and the wall - not a whole lot of work room. I managed to squeeze in behind it, unplugged it and took a small but powerful hand vacuum back there with me, along with a folding step stool and a screwdriver. I managed to clean out a LOT of lint out of the back of the dryer and the line going into the wall, and climbed out after reconnecting everything (using the step stool), although not particularly gracefully. Then I jammed the vacuum hose down into the lint filter on the top front of the dryer and MAN it was bad. No wonder the thing hasn't been working well. Here's hoping that does the trick and it works better now. I'm off to really wash my hands - I feel really grubby!

A side note here - if you google "dryer lint" - it's amazing what you find. There are people who dream up USES for the stuff! Now, I know from back when I was a girl scout leader that it's great for fire starters - very flammable stuff. But that's ALL I ever did with it. If you think my life is bad, read some of the blogs other people have about finding uses for the stuff. Here's my suggestion - THROW IT AWAY!!

I'm SUPPOSED to be doing either Christmas decorating or sewing but didn't accomplish either. Well, I DID do a bit of fabric stash searching for some gifts I'm planning to make but that's about it. Last evening I got my beautiful lighted wreath (courtesy of brother Ron) and a small lit potted tree on my front porch, fought for quite some time to get the blasted timer to reset but I finally got it to work, and it's lovely out there. The lights come on at dusk, and will go off at 12:15. Around 11:30 last night, I was snuggled in bed and reading "Marley and Me" when my phone rang. My neighbor across the street was being helpful and letting me know I hadn't turned out my front lights. I explained the timer setup and I think she's jealous that she has to go out and plug or unplug her lights!

All of the rest of my Christmas decorations are piled all around my living room in their plastic totes, waiting to be sprung. It'll happen within the next couple of days. I enjoy Christmas decorating but it IS a lot of work.

We might get snow flurries and/or ice over night - have to get up early in the morning to allow for scraping off the car and slippery roads. Off to wash up and hit the bed.

But I have great satisfaction knowing that my dryer is relatively lint-free!

Holiday Sewing - and a Laugh

Whew, it's been way too long since I have posted on this blog. Life has been hectic, and that's an understatement. Work has been incredibly busy and stressful - and yes, I have had "the talk" with the bosses about needing to change the situation. So far, nothing has changed but they DID listen to me and seem to understand and appreciate my need to de-stress. A week of vacation has helped tremendously. I need to find me a rich sugar-daddy to support me so I can do that all the time ----- NOT! Today was my first day back, after a 9 day break (3 vacation days, 2 weekends and 2 holidays for Thanksgiving) and I worked an hour late just trying to get caught up a little bit. I fear that will be the pattern for at least a bit longer.

Ok, now I titled this post "Holiday Sewing" for a reason. I am a member of a Yahoo group that is sewing related, and this year joined a Christmas ornament swap. Each person in the group makes 5 ornaments and sends them to the other 4 members of the group, plus one goes to the sewing diva who inspired the group. (She sends 2 ornaments to every one of us). So I will get 6 in return. The rules are simple - they must be hand sewn, but otherwise everyone can be creative. Mine are smocked, and I worked feverishly last week to get them all done. I completed the smocking yesterday, and mounted each onto the Styrofoam ball last evening. The only thing I had to do tonite was put on a little lace circle "topper", then add ribbons for decoration and hanging. After working late, stopping at the gym, and then fixing and eating some dinner, I finally got ready to start working on them. To my dismay, I discovered I had ABSOLUTELY no white lace in the house. I have pink lace, black lace, tiny white edging, and a LOT of ecru - but none of that would work. I had long ago changed out of my work-out clothes when I got home - So - at 8:40 PM I stuffed my pj top down into my knit pants, put on clogs over my fuzzy warm socks, and zipped up my winter coat so that no one could see my pj top (a retro print with wringer washing machines, irons, aprons, etc. - cute but not exactly something I want to wear in public). And off to Joann Fabrics I went - knowing it is a 7 minute drive and they close at 9:00. I prayed the whole way that I didn't get a flat tire or accident or anything - and fortunately I didn't. And I'm very happy to report that my ornaments are now done, ready to mail tomorrow. I'm going to take pictures and will post one on here tomorrow.

Difficult People

I've been struggling for some time with a friend who has become very difficult. I'm not sure what is going on with her, although I know there are some family stresses in her life in the past and present, and suspect she has not/is not dealing with them very well. And I don't mean to sound critical about that - I am concerned as a friend. For the second time in less than a week, this woman has blown up about something, and has ruined an event we had planned. Sometimes I feel that she is singling me out, for some reason, and has on more than one occasion, verbally attacked me because of something I believe in. Sometimes, like tonight, she is angry at a group of us for not doing something the way she wanted it done. She's pretty controlling and highly opinionated, and that's a big part of the problem. But I suspect it goes much deeper than that.

I've tried hard to figure out how to deal with this, and I'm at a loss. I feel that no matter what I do, I am always wrong in her eyes. There are many topics that I am afraid to discuss with my group of friends any more, because of her reaction in the past. And for that I am very sad. These women have been very dear friends for so many years, and our relationships are some of the best I've ever had in my life. I cannot discuss, for example, my work with the homeless, or my daughter's anxiety problems, or a bad day at work, for fear of being verbally blasted. I can't even discuss a recipe, because she always has a better way of doing it and she is always right. (And that is sarcasm - I don't cook that much!)

I KNOW that it is her, and not me, but that's not much of a consolation. I truly do not know what to do, or how to handle this, other than to reduce the time I am around this woman until she works through her issues. And, unfortunately, that probably means I reduce the time with my other friends as well, and I don't really want to do that. I'm trying hard to branch out and join other groups, get involved in other activities, etc. but it's really tough. I know that the other women in my group are upset and concerned about this friend as well, but none of us know how to help her or what to do. It's very frustrating for all of us.

I don't know how many people, if any, read this blog. For the most part, I write for myself. But if anyone does, and has any magical words of wisdom, please share.

I'm off to bed to try to sleep. I'm still pretty keyed up so that won't be easy, but......

Jiffy Lube????

I've had some history with Jiffy Lube - and I'm not criticizing the company in any way. I've gone to the location closest to my office for several years for oil changes and inspections, and have no problem with the quality of my work. But several years ago I had a scary (but very funny) experience, and I had another one today.

Here's #1 - About 3 years ago, I went to Jiffy Lube right after work (5 PM) knowing that they were open until 6, and I urgently needed an oil change. After talking with the two young men who were working about my car, I ventured into the waiting room. I sat a bit, watching TV and reading the newspaper, and noticed that the phone in the office rang several times but they ignored it. There were no other customers and just the two employees who were working on my car. After a few minutes, I decided to visit the rest room, which was a one-stall unisex type. As I locked the door behind me, I noticed that it was one of those bar-slider locks, and the little handle was missing, but thought nothing of it. After taking care of the necessary business and washing my hands, I went to open the door and discovered that I could not unlock it. Without the little handle, it was impossible to slide the bar. I started to panic just a little but then started laughing, thinking of how ridiculous this situation was. I started to get my cell phone out but then decided that wouldn't help - they weren't answering the phone anyway. And what was I going to do - call 911 and tell them I was locked in the bathroom at the Jiffy Lube? It was now close to 6 PM on Friday and it occurred to me that they might lock up and go home if they didn't see me. What a way to spend the weekend! I started digging through my purse and found a pen, took it apart, and managed to use the ink barrel part to slide the bar open enough to get the door open. Whew! I took my seat, laughing to myself, thinking of how the headlines in the newspaper would read - "Woman trapped inside Jiffy Lube bathroom for entire weekend"....

Trust me, I'm now VERY cautious about using public bathrooms and double check the lock before going in. Oh and I'd like to add that the next time I visited this location - they had a new lock on the door. I suspect I wasn't the only victim!

Now, here's what happened today. That particular Jiffy Lube had closed and customers were directed to go to a different one a few miles away. I went at lunchtime today, badly in need of an oil change, and it seemed fine. There was only one truck already up on a rack with 2 men looking at it so it shouldn't be a long wait. After just a minute, an attendant came out to me and said he could have it done during my lunch hour without difficulty, and directed me into the lounge. Before I even made it to the lounge, I noticed that another worker was now driving my car onto a ramp to be worked on. Great, I thought.

I took a seat in the waiting room, which was empty otherwise, and began looking through some papers I had brought with me. After a few minutes, I noticed that a man kept walking around outside the glass door leading to the work area, looking in at me. Thinking that perhaps he was an employee and needed to talk to me about my car, I looked at him and smiled, but he walked away again, so I returned to my reading. After a few minutes, I heard someone open the door and enter the waiting room, walked towards me and stopped right in front of me. Looking up, I saw it was the same man, and he was just standing there smiling and looking at me. I said hello, and he said "Hello, how are you doing today?". I replied, politely "Fine thanks - and I hope you are doing well too", and he said he was. I realized he was digging into his pocket for change, and that I was sitting beside a soda machine, somewhat blocking it - and offered to move out of his way. He assured me that I was fine, started getting his drink out of the machine, all the while looking at me. He again asked how I was doing and I again thanked him and said I was fine. He kept looking at me, and then said, "You're beautiful". Now, I am not the type of woman who gets complimented or hit on EVER, so I was stunned and speechless. I finally stammered a "thank you" and looked down again at my reading. He stood for a moment, and then left the area. But every time I looked up, he was standing out in the garage, looking at me. It was really creepy, to be honest, and I was getting a bit concerned. If he was an employee, he would have access to my personal information and that concerned me.

After a few more minutes, the fellow who HAD been working on my car came in to finalize the transaction and I walked over to the counter. I could see through the window behind him, and the "creepy" man had gotten into a car and was driving away. That made me feel better but still.......

My life is now complete- I've been hit on by a greasy creepy looking guy at the Jiffy Lube!!!!

Perils of Internet Dating

I had a date last Saturday night, the first since the relationship with S ended in December. Of course, I met this fellow J thru an online dating site, and after emailing for a while and then a week or so of phone calls, we decided to meet for dinner at a casual restaurant in a busy shopping center not too far from home. I was a bit skeptical, based on his profile and our conversations, but figured it wouldn't hurt to meet.

Well, from the minute he got out of his car, I knew that this was a shipwreck. Unkempt isn't nearly strong enough of a word, and I don't believe he'd ever had any dental work. We entered the cafe and studied the menu, and it was apparent he'd never been there before nor understood the concept (not a difficult one either). I insisted on paying for my own meal, because I didn't want to be obligated in any way - nor did I feel good about causing a problem with the very tight budget he mentioned frequently.

We settled into a booth and began eating and talking - at least, he talked, I listened. I was lectured and preached at for the next hour (it felt like a day), about politics and religion and everything else under the sun. If I questioned something he said, or disagreed, he increased the volume of his voice and kept going. Among other things, I was informed that God forgives me for getting divorced because my husband committed adultery. Like I needed to hear that! I learned that he was raised in the Jewish faith, spent over 10 years as a Jehovah Witness, and is now Baptist. He quoted scriptures right and left, and obviously, in his opinion, knew all the answers. Not a particularly endearing quality.

I tried hard to smile and pretend I was listening, all the while trying to figure out how to get out of this situation. My friend K had offered to call me to give me an "out" if needed and I was kicking myself for not taking her up on that offer. The more he talked, the louder he got and I knew that other diners were looking at us. I was embarrassed and mad -mostly at myself for getting into this situation.

Finally we finished eating and I excused myself to the ladies room, taking my purse with me, praying that I would get a cell phone signal in there (I did!). I called Kay and quietly mumbled "please call me in like an hour" into the phone (fearing he might hear my voice). At that moment, someone KNOCKED on the door - so I abruptly hung up, flushed and washed my hands. Upon leaving the rest room, I discovered that it was a female employee checking to see if she could come in to clean - so I wasn't caught after all. Whew!

We went outside to sit at a table in the middle of the parking lot (away from other people was my thought), and continued to talk (and argue) about everything and anything. At one point, when I disagreed with a statement he made, he assured me it was accurate because he had seen it on You-Tube. And THAT'S an authority? Unreal.

Finally my cell phone rang, and I proceeded to converse with K about her bad back and agreed to come and take her to the emergency room. I politely apologized, thanked him for meeting me for dinner, and tried to get to my car. It took 10 minutes before I could get away from him. I drove around the corner and waited to make sure I saw his car pull away, then drove down the block to the bookstore where K and another friend were having coffee (and waiting to find out what had happened).

After some laughs and me groaning, "why do I do this to myself", I headed home. By mid-day Sunday, he had emailed me and called both my house and cell phone (I didn't answer). Finally, I knew I had to get it over with - and sent him an email. I tried hard to be polite and explained that I felt we had too different opinions about some important issues, and that I didn't feel we had much in common. He got the message, sent me back a snippy email and I suspect that will be the end of it.

So why DO I do this to myself? I'm not all that lonely, not desperate, but I sure would love to have someone in my life to spend time with sometimes. I don't do bars, go to church but single men don't - where else does an over 50 single woman meet men? I have NO idea.

Back to sewing and spending time with my girlfriends I guess.

On a happier note, I'm looking forward to a trip to my cousin's Mountain House - my favorite place on earth. With all the work-related stress of the past couple months, I'm so ready for this vacation. Maybe I'll meet a mountain man - ---- NOT!!!!

Things are better....

Well I'm done having a pity party for myself, and moving on with life. Truthfully I've been so busy at work that I don't have TIME to wallow in pity. And that's a good thing. I'm trying hard to just let go of my hurt/anger and move on with life. And I do feel better.

I had a fun evening tonight. One of my friends and I went to an old, restored theatre to watch Hitchcock's "Rear Window", which is my favorite Hitchcock film. It was so cool seeing it on the big screen rather than on tv. There was a good crowd in theatre, and by their reactions, it's safe to say that many of them had never seen this film. That made it fun too.

I'm excited that I will be picking up my new sewing machine on Saturday - I can't wait. This is going to open up a whole new dimension of sewing for me. Now I just have to pay for it!

Thank goodness tomorrow is Thursday and the week is coming to and end. It's been a tough one.

I'm Struggling

It's the first weekend in August, it's hot and I'm overworked and tired. Very tired. And really struggling with so many issues. It seems like just about everything in my personal life has bottomed out, and I'm overwhelmed.

My friends had talked about going to the beach for a few days all summer. I told them I couldn't take an entire week of vacation, but that I could do a long weekend, and I was really looking forward to getting away. The ONLY time I've taken off this summer was Memorial Day - when I went to Johnstown with my daughter - and 2 days a few weeks ago to go to the SW VA mountains with two friends. I tried to plan a trip for all of us to go spend up to a week at the Mountain House, including over my birthday, but no one wanted to go. So I cancelled it (and at least one of my friends seemed happy that I did). My feelings were a bit hurt, but I went on, because I know that not everyone loves that place as much as I do. I really was looking forward to spending my birthday there, but it just wasn't meant to be. My boss's wife is scheduled for a C-section tomorrow (their 3rd baby), and I knew that of all the weeks in the summer, that would be the one week that I couldn't take off. I stated that frequently, as they hemmed and hawed around about setting a date for this trip. Well, you guessed it, they are planning it for this next week and of course I cannot go. And they actually seemed surprised when I said that I couldn't. I am hurt and disappointed about the trip, but this is much deeper. I'm starting to question these friendships. At one time, I felt that these women were sisters, and were as important to me as family - and I felt that I was to them. But I certainly don't feel that way now. There's been several other small issues come up over the past few months that have added to my feelings, of course. Sometimes it seems that things that matter to me aren't very important to them, and they don't take my concerns seriously. I feel very little or no support for some of the things I believe are important. And that hurts me a lot. Bottom line, these women are pretty much my ONLY friends, and that's my fault. I've let a lot of other relationships slide because I felt these were more important. But I think I've done the proverbial "put all my eggs in one basket", and now I'm feeling it.

The same thing carries through to work, to work at the fabric shop and even to choir. I feel like I've let so many things slide, and now I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. Yes, this is my fault - I take responsibility for that- but what do I do about it. And that's where I am right now, really struggling with it. How can I turn this around and make my life better, make it fuller and rich with the friendships that I have always treasured.

I'm trying hard not to dwell on any of this, but it is hard. They're excitedly talking about the trip that I cannot go on, and next week will be talking about it and that will hurt too. In the past, on of my friends had made the statement that if we all can't go, none of us should. Now, I don't feel that way at all, I really don't. But I know that I would NEVER have planned a trip knowingly excluding one of them. And I can't let go of the fact that they've done exactly that. Yes, I did tell one of them how I felt and I'm pretty sure she has shared that with the other two women. I got an email from one with a lot of excuses about why it is so hard for us to all get together, but I think that's BS. This is the ONLY week for the entire summer that I couldn't go, and they chose to disregard that. I think it's rude, and I would never have done that to one of them. So what do I do, and how do I go on?

I'm trying to stay busy but it's tough. I feel like crying pretty much constantly, and that's not good. Throw in a few other issues for me (my unhappiness with my weight, my genuine concerns for my financial future, not to mention the whole allergy thing) and I'm really floundering. If I continue feeling like this, I will seek out some counseling, because I value that help.

Life goes on, and so must I. It's not the end of the world, and I know it will work out in time.

My Awful Week

Well, it's Sunday night, after 10 PM and another work week will be starting in a few hours. At least this will be a short one, with the July 4th on Friday. And it HAS to be better than last week. Here's the saga......

It started last Sunday afternoon. I had gone to church, stopped at the grocery store on the way home, fixed some lunch and sat down to read the news paper. I don't know what happened or how it started, but my right eye started itching and I rubbed it. MISTAKE! Within a short period of time, it got worse and worse, and by morning, I looked like someone had punched me in the eye. It was swollen on both the upper lid and underneath my eye, making it very difficult to see. I had taken some Benedryl before going to bed, and used allergy eye drops, but they didn't seem to help much. I went to work Monday morning, scared a few people, told them I didn't know if I would make it thru the day, but I did, with some difficulty. The combination of a limited vision field and my bifocals didn't exactly make it easy to see the computer screen! But as the day went on, it started getting a bit better. I kept putting ice on it, and taking Benedryl at night and by Wednesday, it was barely visible. I still don't know what started it but speculate that I may have touched something at the grocery store (produce with some pesticide residue perhaps), and then touched my face.

Ok fast forward to Thursday. I went with friends to the last Beach Music concert in downtown Greensboro - a "take your own chair" type of thing. I had to rush to meet everyone and was a bit annoyed about some of it but it was actually very nice. However, my hands started itching and I realized I was breaking out in hives again. I've been so careful about the soap at work, so it's not that. I got home late that evening (more on that follows below), rubbed cortisone cream all over them and got some Benedryl going again. The next morning, they were even worse. I went to work but was miserable, so wound up calling my doctor and running to show him. His opinion about both the eye and the hives is that I've developed some new allergy, and probably the fact that I'm on medication already has kept it from being any worse than this. So I'm on prednisone for a week, which has helped tremendously, on a different allergy medication to see if that helps and if it doesn't, I'll be sent to an allergist to help figure out what's going on.

Ok now about Thursday night...

When I arrived home, I was surprised to see that my laptop was on. I was pretty sure I had shut it down when I left in the morning, and it should have been in hibernate mode even if I hadn't. Thinking that perhaps Matt had stopped by and used it, I brushed it off as nothing. After checking email, I shut it down and went to get ready for bed. While brushing my teeth, I THOUGHT I heard the start-up music, but then decided it was something on TV and went to bed. HOWEVER, around 4:15 AM, I woke up hearing that same sound and knew something was up. Sure enough, my laptop was on. I shut it down, and it came back on. I repeated that several times with the same result. What the HECK was going on. I unplugged it and finally shut it down again, flipped it over and removed the battery. That broke the cycle and it stayed off. I tried turning it on, and then shut down again and it stayed off. Whew!

By that time, it was 5 AM and I needed to be up to head to the homeless shelter to help prepare breakfast as I do most Friday mornings. Usually we have a volunteer staff of 15-20 people, which is a good number to prepare food for up to 120 guests. HOWEVER, this week we had only 10 volunteers show up, and we had 65 guests. I got the sausage cooking, helped get the bread buttered for toasting, cracked 4 dozen eggs and scrambled them ready for cooking, turned the sausage, put the pans of bread in the oven to toast, cut up a dozen or so oranges into quarters, got the sausage and toast out of the oven and into pans ready for serving, and helped finish up the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the lunches we also distribute. We ALL had to really hustle to make the meal happen. We got it served and started to clean up. I wound up cleaning out and scraping the cooked-on grits from the warming pan, which is an ugly task. I had grits on my face, all over both hands, even in my eyebrows. I was hot and sweaty and just wanted to go home and take a shower - but instead I went to work. I had a clean shirt and washed up in the bathroom with paper towels (mental note - put a towel and washcloth in the car for such incidents), and spent the day at work. No wonder the hives on my hands got worse.

By 5 I was exhausted, and just wanted to home and crash, which I did. The rest of the weekend was much more relaxed and peaceful, although we've had some nasty storms. And a beautiful rainbow!

See what happens when I don't post often enough - I write a book! Ok Monday, here I come!

Sad News

I had to do a very difficult thing today - euthanize one of my cats. Keiko, a 7-1/2 year old female was originally my daughter's but became mine after she left home. A few years ago she started having some urinary problems (passing some blood in her urine), leading to about a year of weekly vet vists for what was assumed to be an infection. After months of this (and frustration of feeling that it wasn't helping), I took her to another vet - the Cat Clinic - for another opinion before putting her down then. They quickly discovered that her problem was due to crystals in her urine, building up in her bladder. After spending about $1000 for surgery to fix her up, tests showed that she would need to remain on special food in order to avoid a relapse. Well, I've done all that but after only around 18 months, the problem returned, even worse than it was originally. I had been watching her for the past few weeks because she seemed rather "bitchy" towards the other cats and me, and was very agressive with the neighborhood cat that lurks outside my window often. I suspected that she might be having a problem, and that was confirmed this weekend when she started urinating blood - BAD. I conferred with all my kids and they all agreed that it was time to end her suffering. I know we were out of options and that I simply couldn't afford another surgry and the releated follow up care. So I called the local animal shelter and arranged for them to put her down after I got her there. I have to say that it was tougher than I expected - I felt so bad leaving her there in a cage, looking at me with those trusting eyes. But I do know that we'd done all we could and this was for the best - but I still cried all the way home. My other two cats will adjust, as will I, and this will make life just a little bit easier for all of us. But nevertheless .... it was very sad.

Goodbye Brat Cat - you were a sweetie when you wanted to be. I will miss you.

April Update

Wow, I'm being a terrible blogger! Things have been crazy at work - I've been putting in some overtime and come home exhausted - too exhausted to play on the computer much, that's for sure. But here's all the news.

First -my foot. Well the good news is that I'm out of the blasted boot for good. The bad news is that my foot hurts. Pretty much all the time. I'm not a happy camper. My doctor said to give it a few weeks and I know these things take time. I've done some online research and healing from this procedure continues for about 6 months. So I guess I have to hang in there. I just want it feeling better NOW! I was thinking that I didn't have this problem when I had the same surgery on my right foot but.... A friend reminded me that shortly after getting out of the boot that time, I got sick with pancreatitis and was in bed for a couple of months, so my foot didn't get much workout. Comparing my current foot situation with then isn't exactly fair, I guess, so I am trying not to do that. I just want to be able to do "normal" things without hurting. I can't even go to the gym - and that leads to my weight problem. I'm not at all happy with myself - I know I've put on about 15 lbs. and I feel miserable. I just can't seem to get under control. I'm very frustrated and that's not helping.

The really great news is that I bought a new laptop computer - a Dell. It arrived on Monday and I've spent every evening since then trying to get things set up. I had to buy a new router and was in computer HE-double hockeysticks with it all. But FINALLY I've got everything working and I am sitting on my butt on the couch with my feet up, playing on the computer. Way cool!

Spring may have finally arrived - I had to cut my grass out in my backyard last evening. I have a small postage stamp parcel of yard that is my responsibility - the rest is cared for by the homeowner's association. They came around with pine straw and it looks nice. I'm going to clean up the wood chips around all the flower beds in my back yard and put some pine straw there too - I think it will be nicer.

That's about it - I'm tired and going to bed soon. More later I am sure.

The Great Escape

A few weeks ago, 10 members of my extended family gathered together at a beach house on Edisto Island, SC to celebrate a 50th birthday. It was wonderful - the weather was a bit cool and windy, and there were some problems with the heating at the house - but overall it was great. Ok, there WAS that horrible dinner we had out but at least we had fun in the process. We're in the process of sharing pictures and, once we all get them posted on the web site, I'm going to make a photobook documenting the event.

I've never before stayed in a house right on the beach and I have to say that it was wonderful. I even ditched the DANGED BOOT for a short period and walked on the beach two different mornings, and gathered up a bunch of seashells. I even found a sand dollar - my first! And there were dolphins swimming just off the beach, very visible from the house. I was thrilled, but none of the pictures I tried to take worked out showing the beautiful creatures.

I wasn't able to sleep well, of course, but was up and outside for two of the most beautiful sunrises I've ever seen - here's a picture of one of them. Now I don't know which I love best - sunrise in the mountains, or at the beach. It's a touch choice - I love both!

Still Here and Struggling

So much has happened since my last blog. I'm still here, and currently really struggling with my emotions. There's multiple reasons why...

First, the foot. I'm still wearing "the blasted boot" and am so sick of it. It's bad enough to have to clump around with the darn thing on, but sleeping while wearing it is virtually impossible. So I'm sleep deprived too and, after a month, it's getting really old. I see my doctor on Monday and will probably get to quit wearing it during the day, but I know that I'll have to continue using it at night. I know it's for the best, so that my foot will continue to heal well - and I know it helped my right foot heal after the same surgery 3 years ago. But right now, in my foggy mind, it doesn't really matter. I just want a good night's sleep! Even taking Tylenol PM isn't helping any more. And it's certainly not helping the rest of the emotional crap.

I'm very concerned about the health of one of my dear sisters, who's been fighting a health crisis for several years. There's a new complication, and things aren't good. I'm terribly worried about her - but also about my brother and younger sister. They've been so close to her, and this is very difficult for them. We've all lost so many family members over the past few years, and the times we spend together are even more important because of that. We'll all stick together and help each other but...... this is so hard.

I learned earlier this week that a good friend, one of the owners of the fabric shop where I sometime work, has been very ill. She developed a strep infection in the index finger of her right hand and, inspite of antibiotics and other treatment, had to have the finger amputated on Thursday. I hate that for her - she's such a sweet lady and never stops sewing, so this is going to be a difficult thing for her to handle.

I'm tying hard to deal with it, but tonite I am feeling particularly low, and very alone. Last year, on the night before Easter, I had my first date with S - and I can't help remembering how wonderful that was - and how good it felt to have someone care about me. Try as I might, I can't quite get him out of my mind. Time will help, I know, but tonite I feel like crap about it.

Life just really stinks sometimes. For all of these reasons.

Friday Night Sewing

I had a great time last night at a sewing lock-in at my favorite fabric shop, Sew Heavenly. Ok I'm a bit prejudiced since I work there I guess, but it really is a delightful shop and I love being a small part of it. The event started at 6 but I had dinner with my girlfriends and made it there around 8:30. I was surprised at how many women were there, sewing away - probably about 20 or 25 I'd say. There was a ton of food, though I didn't share that since I had just eaten. Women were buying supplies, working on project, helping each other, all amid lots of conversation and laughter. It was great. The shop does this every time there is a 5th Friday in a month - hmm looks like May will be the next time. Count me in!

I never actually SEWED but I did make a lot of progress on a project I've been wanting to start for over a year. I'm going to make a cute jacket, made primarily out of cotton/linen dish towels. Of course, I decided to use a different pattern and do it my own way, so that will take a bit longer, but I think it's going to be really pretty. I bought the fabric for the lining, the bias binding, trace-a-pattern and, oh yea, a new pattern. Considering all the dish towels I bought last year, I think I now have about $50 invested in this jacket! I keep referring to it as my $900 jacket (but the price keeps going up as I keep adding new items and make changes). All I got done last night was picking out and buying the fabric for the lining and bias, and tracing each piece of the pattern 3 times!!!! It was soooooo boring but necessary and I'm glad that part is done. So now the fun can begin. When I get it done, I'll post a picture on here. But don't hold your breath and sit by with eager anticipation - I'm rather slow at this!

I'm hoping to do a little furniture shopping today - we'll see how that goes with THE BOOT! Oh - to go back to the sewing thread - I've decided to make an alteration in the Velcro straps on the thing to make it easier to get on and off, and fit better. What an exciting sewing project!!!

Exciting News

#2 Son Matt dropped a bomb on me yesterday while at work. We were talking about a few things and then he said "Oh yea, me and Denise are engaged" and hung up. Of course I quickly called him back, and he was laughing when he answered. After I chewed him out for doing that to me, I got details!

He proposed the previous night to long-time girlfriend Denise, and she accepted. They want to get married February 2 (2009 of course), a 2-ish in the afternoon so that it will be - are you ready for this - 2/22 at 2:22PM. It happens to be a Sunday next year, so I guess it's do-able. Denise is currently in college - not sure when she finishes but I think it's before then. And I know no other details other than - guess we'll be planning a wedding! Yippe!!!! And yes, I like her and think this will be great.

I asked if he'd given her a ring and he replied that he was working on it - so I've made an offer. I have the engagement ring from his dad put away in my jewelry box, and don't care to wear it again. But if he wants it - or can use the diamond and have it put in a new setting perhaps - he's welcome to it. He picked it up last night but I wasn't home at the moment, so I don't know his opinion as yet. I won't be offended if he decides to go another route - it's small, just 1/4 carat, but he said Denise doesn't want anything big and flashy. So we'll see.......

Way cool!

I've been Tagged!

Sister Jo is making me do this - not something I nomally do. But here goes - though it's not going to be easy.

Rules :
1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.

2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name).

3. After you are tagged, you need to update your blog with your middle name and your answers.

4. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name.(Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they've been tagged and that they need to read your blog for details.)

L - Loves to sew

Y - You've got to be kidding. YOI!

N - Needs to get more sleep (have you ever tried sleeping with 10 lb. boot on your foot, while having hot flashes!

N - Needs to get a life!

Ok now about posting to other blogs - I thought from reading Sister Jo's blog that the person I post to must begin with the letter of my last name. But after re-reading the rules, I don't think that's the way it works. HOWEVER, since I know two and only two people with blogs, Sisters Jo and Lisa. So here you go!

Yoi!

I learned some very sad news while at work today - Myron Cope, the long-time, much beloved announcer for the Pittsburgh Steelers died this morning. Around lunchtime, I clicked onto AOL to check my email and saw the words "Terrible Towel Creator Dies" and I instantly felt like the breath had been knocked out of me. At almost the same instant, my cell phone beeped with a text message (and I rarely get them) from son Greg, sharing the news. I spent the next 1/2 hour or so reading about this tragic loss online at various Pittsburgh news websites, with tears rolling down my cheeks. Myron, the voice and the spirit of the Steelers, was so much a part of my life for so many years. While I was growing up, my grandfather always listened to the games on the radio, so Myron's unique voice was a fixture in our home. After Kevin and I married and moved to Pittsburgh, we were part of the Steeler Nation, as the team won Superbowl after Superbowl in the late 70's.

It's difficult to explain to people who've never lived in Pittsburgh, but there is such an incredible "oneness" to being a Pittsburgh Steeler fan, a strong sense of community and desire to belong to this cult. During my last trip to "the Burgh" last fall for a wedding, I met a friend for brunch at Eat 'N Park, a local restaurant's chain (another thing I miss!), and it happened to be the home opener for the Steelers that afternoon. At 10 AM, cars were already in the parking lot of Heinz Field with people tailgating before the game. EVERYONE in the restaurant that morning (except me and daughter Becca) was wearing a Steeler shirt. I felt very under dressed. And THAT'S an example of the spirit of Pittsburgh.

Myron Cope had a lot to do with developing that spirit - he invented the "Terrible Towel" plus so many Cope-isms.

I have my Terrible Towel hanging in my office, draped with a black ribbon, as my symbol of mourning. No one else in the office understands or gets it, and they think I'm crazy, but I don't care.

It's a sad, sad day in my beloved 'Burgh. And the sadness is truly felt around the world.

In Myron's words, Yoi! Double Yoi! Triple Yoi! I wave my towel for you.

Mac and Cheese

Last night I went with some friends to see the movie "Juno", a charming tale about a pregnant teenager. While I enjoyed the movie, there was one line that stuck out and really meant something to me. Juno was talking about her relationship with the baby's father, who was her best friend and - here it is - "the cheese for my macaroni". I LOVE that - and that's what I want to find - my best friend, the love of my life, the cheese for my macaroni!

My Left Foot Part 2

Well, I've learned that apparently I was much more affected by the valium I took prior to surgery than I realized. I've heard from several people that I talked to in the hours following my return home - and I remember NONE of the conversations. The best one is that I apparently told Son #1 that the cleaning people weren't doing a good job so I had fired them. I had cleaning people? News to me!!! Son realized that I was very out of it, asked me a bunch of questions and finally said Mom, go to bed - and I said ok and hung up! And I remember NONE of this.

VERY funny!

My Left Foot

No, I'm not talking about the movie starring Daniel Day-Lewis - though it was a good one. I've FINALLY had the surgery on my left foot and am on the mend. It all went without a hitch, I am glad to report. I had four Valium prior to surgery, and MAN, I was pretty stoned most of the night. I talked to my daughter and one son on the phone sometime early evening, then a friend called me around 9 and I had been asleep on the couch, and promptly went back to sleep, woke up around 4 and crawled into bed. Getting to the bathroom fast enough has been a challenge so I've had to change my pants a couple times (OK I guess that's probably too much information, sorry). I feel some soreness in the are where the procedure took place, but that's to be expected. I have Vicadin to take but don't plan to take it unless I absolutely have to, as it makes my mind wonky.





Here's a cool thing. When I had my right foot done 3 years ago, I had problems getting a "boot" to fit. By shoe size, I should be in a medium but my legs are so heavy that I wound up in a large AND they had to order in an extension for the fabric part of the boot. I was told to bring the same boot to use this time, which was fine with me, and they slid me into it as-is. Well, now that I'm home and not nearly as groggy, I can see that there's just too much fabric. So I've taken the thing apart, removed the extension, and I think it's going to be just fine. WOO HOO! I these those 30 pounds I've lost made that much difference. That really inspires me to get moving on the diet once again - and the exercise part as soon as I am able to.

Oh and furniture shopping...... well, its just going to have to wait for a while until I can actually walk around the stores again.

Furniture Shopping!

Since I've gotten some money back from income taxes this year (thanks to being a homeowner and paying all that mortgage interest!), I'm hunting for new living room furniture. You wouldn't think this would be difficult but..... I'm not accustomed to spending that kind of money so I am being very cautious. But I have to say, so far I'm not having any luck - and not having much fun either.

How hard is it to find a comfortable couch, chair and ottoman that is "me"? Obviously more difficult than I ever thought. Of course, this is all complicated by my painfl foot, so walking around stores is something I can't do for long periods of time. But maybe that's a good thing because I start getting confused as to what I want after a short period anyway.

I've been in stores where the clerks TOTALLY ignored me - what is that all about! I got locked in a store that closed because none of the sales staff had noticed me so didn't realize I was still in there - and they didn't announce it was closing time so how would I know! Fortunately I made my presence known and they quickly let me leave. I had visions of me calling 911 and trying to explain - "but officer, I was just looking for a couch!"

The most horrific experience was in a very small store on Sunday afternoon. There was an older man working, and one additional customer - a young mother with a 3-year-old-ish child who was running around the store, bouncing on every piece of furniture, operating a toy gun at the same time with "click click click" continuously. After about 2 minutes, I wanted to harm the kid - and was on the verge of saying something to the mother (who was blissfully ignoring her offspring). When the salesman came to offer me assistance at the other side of the store, I told him that I was fighting the urge to go beat the tar out of that child, and he smiled and told me how much he wished he could do it too. I told him I would come back another day and left - it was THAT horrible. What is wrong with some of these young mothers today who choose not to discipline their children? I don't get it - what are they thinking? I know that I was probably overly strict with my kids when they were young - my ex called me "Hitler" - but I think it was a good thing. They learned to behave in public, and they will be the same kind of parent - intolerant of bratty behavior. And for that I am proud.

Anyway, my quest for the perfect couch and chair will continue. I've transferred my refund money into my savings account so that I don't "accidentally" spend it on something else, and will take my time to find just what I want. I'm going to have to live with my choice for a long time, literally, and I want to make sure I make the right decision. It might not happen until after my foot surgery, which is what I was trying to avoid, but, oh well.

Anyone have any magical words of wisdom for me?

The Dreaded "V-Day"

Well, it's 2 days until Valentine's Day and I am really dreading it. There will undoubtedly be a parade of flowers through my office, with lots of giggling "look what I got" cries from my co-workers. Don't get me wrong, I think that's great for them. It's just that, this year, I sorta thought that I would be one of them, reciving some lovely token of affection from a special person. And it really hurts that I came so close to that and lost it so abruptly, so unfairly. I haven't heard from S, nor do I expect to, nor do I want to talk to him or see him at all, considering how shabbily he treated me. My mind knows that I'm better off without him in my life at all, but my heart isn't as quick to listen. I miss him - I miss what we had, and what I thought (and hoped) for our future together. Life is going on, and I'm trying hard to do the same. Most of the time I'm dealing with it but this is going to be tough.

So I'm having my single women friends over for dinner and company, and that will help. We're having salad and loaded baked potatoes, plus chocolate fondue for dessert. And I think I'll make some margarita's too. It will be nice having everyone over, and it will help. But I really hate this holiday.

More blogging will follow when I'm feeling better and less negative.

Hives Resolved?

I've had an AHA moment! After suffering with the hives that appeared rather randomly, only on my hands, and only during the work week, I think I've got it figured out. I've developed an allergy to something in the liquid soap in the bathrooms at my office! I've taken an extra bottle of the Avon Naturals soap that I use at home and am keeping it in the cabinet in the bathroom I usually use. So far - no hives! Go figure! If it was all that easy.

Money Stuff

I HAVE to share a story that daughter Bec told me this evening. She works at a teller at a small bank - the type where they get to really know their customers. The other day, one of her good customers, Terry, came into the bank and said he needed some help. When she asked what she could do, he pulled some money (bills) out of his wallet and laid them on the counter, saying he wanted to replace them. They were all singed around the edges, blackened with soot. She looked at him questionly and he laughed, said he was rather embarrassed to tell her what had happened. Apparently he was shopping at Goodwill, and spotted what looked like a nice microwave, just what he knew his mother-in-law needed. He found a place to plug it in and, wanting to test it, looked around for something to put inside. (Can you see where this is going?) Not seeing anything suitable, he pulled out his wallet, popped it into the microwave and hit the "start" button. Within seconds, the whole thing burst into flames. By this time, Bec was laughing so hard she was crying, called her manager and told her she HAD to see this. The manager asked Terry what he was thinking - and the answer is - he wasn't! Apparently, the little metal strips on credit/debit cards are not compaitible with microwaves. Moral of the story - DON'T MICROWAVE YOUR MONEY!

Now, speaking of financial things - I've had a real scare. Yesterday I received a call from the fraud department at one of my credit card companies, wanting to verify a transaction earlier that day. Apparently someone had the numbers from my credit card and had tried to use it at a bank in Maryland to take a sizeable cash advance against the card. I am so glad they suspected something and called me, and I am not liable for it. They've cancelled my card and will issue a new one in a week or so, and we've put a fraud alert with the credit agencies. I've also gotten a copy of my credit report and am going over it carefully - but so far everything else seems ok. I'm hoping it was an isolated incident but I'm really spooked. How in the world anyone got my information is a mystery to me and that really bothers me. Who would have the NERVE to steal money from me - a poor working slob who doesn't have any!

Cats

In the spring of 2000, son Greg brought home his 2 young cats, 4 month old Jude and Oliver. They were litter mates, born on New Year's Day. He had bought them for a girlfriend who, when they broke up, gave them back. Greg was planning to move to NYC in the fall to attend grad school at NYU, and wanted to take the cats with him. As he was living in a dorm at the time, he couldn't keep them with him so brought them home to live with me until he finished school and joined them, and they all moved to NYC Labor Day weekend. I had 2 cats - Pistol and Precious, and my dog Jackson, at the time - but had never had YOUNG kittens before. The following is an email I sent to him about the events of one morning - and is completely true.


Sent: Friday, May 05, 2000 9:13 AM
To: 'Greg'
Subject: Cats

Hey, thought I would share with you the events of my morning.

Awake at 6:30, get up and into the shower at 6:45, leaving my bedroom door open. That was my FIRST mistake. While in the shower I notice that the little cover thingy is not on the drain in the tub. Wonder WHO is responsible for that?

Back to my room by about 7, wet and wrapped in a towel and find the two DEMON CATS frolicking on my bed. Jude sees me and jumps from my bed to night stand to the window sill, getting caught in the mini blinds in the process. I go and untangle her, and turn to find Oliver on my night stand, finishing off the glass of milk that I had left there the night before. I pick both of them up, dump them in the hall and close the door. Second mistake of the day - I didn't close it completely. By the way, I am clutching my towel around me while doing all this.

I then go into MY bathroom to brush my teeth. When I return to my room, I find they have opened the door and are chasing each other around my room. I pick up my bra out of the laundry basket on the floor and am attacked by Jude, who thinks its a toy. After wresting it away from her, I manage to get it on plus my underwear before Oliver starts climbing up my bathrobe on the back of my bathroom door. (I have given up on having a belt with the bathrobe, by the way - I am keeping it in my sock drawer). I go untangle Oliver and shut the bathroom door to keep him out of there.

I then actually manage to get my jeans and shirt on without any more problems, until I start looking into my closet for the vest I want to wear. Seeing the closet door open sends BOTH kittens into the closet, where they are climbing on clothes and playing with shoes. I find my vest, and turn on my iron to warm up so I can give it a quick pressing. I turn my back for JUST a second, and Jude has left the closet, jumped onto the desk beside my sewing machine and is poised ready to jump onto the bookcase. As I am reaching for her, she leaps onto the bottom shelf, sending a plastic ruler and several other items crashing to the floor. She's about to fall off the edge of the shelf (she doesn't understand space requirements) so I grab her and lift her off the shelf. Her claws are firmly embedded in a pile of interfacing that was on the shelf and it goes with her onto the bed where I drop her. So I pick up all the debris and return it to its proper place, and turn to iron my vest.

The hissing of the iron has attracted attention and both kittens are now sitting ON MY CLEAN VEST looking at the iron. I scoot them out of the way and start to press (using the little ironing board I lay on the bed). Of course, the cord of the iron looks like a fun thing to play with, so they both start chasing it. I iron with one hand and guard with the other and manage to finish that project after about 10 minutes, and put the vest on, turn of the iron and return it to the desk.

I then go back into my bathroom to comb my hair and do makeup, and am, of course, accompanied by the two demons. They have now decided that they want to look out the bathroom window, so they jump onto the top of my hamper, sending a magazine crashing to the floor and poke their noses under the blind to look outside. That seems to keep them entertained for all of 20 seconds, and they resume the bathrobe climbing competition. Or at least I THINK that's what they were doing. As I am finishing my makeup, I reach down to the sink top without looking and touch fur. Jude is sniffing my blush. Lovely addition to her nose. I give her a quick wipe off with one hand and throw her out of the bathroom. I lift Oliver off my bathrobe and throw him out as well, turn off the light and close the door TIGHTLY.

Ok now all I have to do is put on my socks and shoes and I'm home free. Simple, right? Not quite. I have bought a new pair of tennis shoes and they need lacing up, so I set them on the bed and start to do that. That was mistake number three. Within an instant, both kittens are on the bed playing with the laces. It takes quite a while to get the shoes laced without including kitten paws, but I finally finish, grab my shoes and socks and head for the living room to sit on the couch and put them on. Hoping the kittens will follow me, of course, to get them out of my room. I get my socks and shoes on, strangely without any assistance. Returning to my room to make my bed, I learn why. They are both up on the windowsill looking out the window, having knocked everything off the night stand in the process except the lamp. I let them stay there just long enough to make my bed and return items to the nightstand, and as I put up all the pretty pillows am immediately attacked in the process. They LOVE to play in the pillows on my bed. Sounds cute, but I'm having a lot of sneezing and wheezing problems and suspect that's why. Plus they unmake the bed in the process. So I grab a kitten in each hand, leave my bedroom and drop them in the hallway and close the door FIRMLY behind me.

Then I go to the kitchen, clean up a bit and fix my glass of instant breakfast. Ah, I've made it, or so I think, as I pick up my purse and head for the door. WRONG. I hear a curious scratching noise, and its coming from my room. Opening the door, I see Pistol on the other side of the door. I have NO IDEA when he had entered the room in all the confusion. He gives me a dirty look and saunters down the hall, only to be chased by the two hellions. Taking advantage of the diversion, I grab my things and get out the door. As I am starting my car, I look towards the house and see two little heads looking out the window at me. Goodbye, I gleefully wave to them.

Now that I am work, life is so quiet and simple. All I have to deal with here are humans, and that is easier, at least most of the time.

See you Sunday. Your little darlings will be waiting for you.

Mom

All sorts of stuff!

I haven't been as good as little sister Lisa, who's been blogging just about every day. So I've got bits of this and that, rather random, to write about, but here goes.

I got the approval from my insurance company to have the Shockwave treatment on my left foot and it is scheduled for Feb. 22. Halleluia - I am miserable with this darn foot, so I'll be glad to get it over with. The bad thing is that I will be in the damn boot thing day and night during our trip to the beach - THE GREAT ESCAPE! But it won't exactly be "hanging out on the beach" weather, so I'll have to be content with sitting in the screened porch looking at the ocean. I can't wait - gonna be fun fun fun!

My romantic life is pretty non-existant these days. R that I mentioned previously, from Yahoo Personals has disappeared, so is obviously not interested. I've been emailed by another fellow from there, P, who seems interesting (and interested) but busy so not a lot of contact very often. And another fellow has emailed me but something seems off about him - can't quite put my finger on it. He's only44 (a bit young for me I think) and I suspect is looking just for a "good time", which of course is not what I would want. I HAVE, however, had several great phone conversations with B - the most recent one was for over 2 hours. He seems like a really nice guy, intelligent, loves music - especially contemporary Christian as I do, and he plays in a group. Problem is that he's about 3 hours or so away in South Carolina. But I really enjoy talking with him and plan to continue that. Will it ever come to anything more? Who knows at this point. (Sister Lisa, if you are reading this - this is the fellow who was visiting in the area at Christmas.)

I finished my income taxes last night and sent them in this morning and I'M GETTING MONEY BACK! Will wonders ever cease! I haven't had any kind of refund in years - so this is all because of becoming a homeowner last year and having all that mortgage interest. I badly need new living room furniture so that will be purchase #1. I would love to get a laptop so that is under consideration but I'll have to see what the furniture costs first. Of course, I should pay on my credit card but, gees, that's no fun! I've probably got a couple weeks to dream about what I'm going to do with the money but I'm going to start shopping (looking I mean).

Gonna do another post with a funny story from the past. Check it out.

Nothing Much New

I haven't blogged for a week, due to time and, to be honest, not much going on. But I should anyway - I know it's a good thing. I've had a couple of really profitable shopping trips, taking advantage of the winter clearance sales. At my new favorite store, C J Banks, I scored a beatiful blue sweater, rust-colored knit shirt with neat button trim, a dark green embroidered corduroy jacket, and a denim jumper with Christmas embroidered design featuring penguins I'd been watching. Original prices were over $175 - my cost was $53. SWEET. Then on Friday night I ducked into Kohl's after dinner at a nearby restaurant, and got a dark olive green knit shirt for $2.40 and a peach springy knit shirt for $5. THEN on Saturday I went with a couple of friends and got a beautiful lime green cardigan sweater and a fleece top on clearence at Coldwater Creek for $10 each! I had stashed away $100 that I got at work (a gift from the company at the Christmas luncheon, recognizing my efforts to get employees involved in organized volunteer activities). So it was great having that to spend on ME for a change! I enjoyed it so much.


After reading Sister Lisa's blog recently, in particular the blog about how fortunate she is to have such good friends, I have to add my two cents. I too have wonderful friends, and I consider them as additional sisters. The shopping trip I had on Saturday was with two of them, and it was fabulous. Not only did we all find some good bargains, but we did so much talking and laughing about nothing (or silly stuff). That is so good with the soul. Honestly, without these women I would be lost. I cherish their friendship so much.

We've gotten into a pattern of meeting for dinner on Tuesday nights so that we stay connected during the week - tonite was at a small place called IPD Eatery and it was great - lasagna for $3.95! We almost always meet at Panera Bread on Friday evening, because we can sit and talk for a while and no one cares. Then we generally do something on Saturday but that changes every week. There are moments of drama from time-to-time, but most of the time it's just fun.

I'm still waiting on insurance approval so I can get my foot surgery scheduled. I sure hope it happens soon - I've got a couple of trips that I need to plan around. I'm heading up to VA for Brother Ron's birthday in a couple weeks, and then in March, my Florida cousins and some siblings are meeting at a beach house they've rented on Edisto Island (south of Charleston SC) for a long weekend. We're going to celebrate my youngest cousin's 50th birthday, and it should be really fun. But I would rather NOT be still wearing the "boot" while I'm there. I'll deal with it, if that's the way it works out but it would be so nice to have that behind me. I may call the doctor's office tomorrow to see if there's any update.

Ok this has been pretty boring! I guess I'm tired and my sense of humor has disappeared. I'm still struggling with the emotional stuff - I know I have to go thru the grieving process because of the end of the relationship with S, and this is all part of it. I talked to my friends tonight and we are planning on having a pot luck dinner at my house on Valentine's Day - my suggestion. I want to avoid being home alone and feeling sorry for myself that day and this should help. Time is helping, but.... This afternoon I saw a missed call on my cell phone and didn't recognize the number. My first thought - S was calling me to say he was sorry. Of course it wasn't him - it was a wrong number - but why did my brain go there. I KNOW he's not going to call, and I KNOW that I don't want him back even if he did - not after how things ended between us. I am still really angry about everything and I'm still working thru that anger. I was an idiot for falling for him as fast as I did, and for letting him know how I felt. And for continuing in a relationship that was obviously not progressing after several months. I suspect that I am repressing a lot of this (I'm good at that), and that's the cause of the hives I've recently been experiencing. Life goes on.

And so it goes!

Hives Again - And Another Thing!

I had a pretty busy day at work today - ran from here to there most of the day and didn't get to actually sit at my desk very long. As a result, my foot is really hurting. I saw my podiatrist this morning before going in to work and completed the paperwork to apply for the shockwave treatment I had previously on my other foot. So hopefully the insurance company will approve it and I can get it scheduled before too long. No, I'm not enthusiastic about the prospect of having surgery, but I know it will help and can't deal with hurting all the time any more.

Anyway, I made it through most of the day but THEN broke out in hives again - both hands, front and back. And my feet feel rather itchy too so I suspect I've got them there too. I'm smearing on hydrocortisone cream and will take a Benedryl and head to bed shortly.

But I had a strange phone call tonight - from James, a fellow I had dated several years ago. I hadn't talked to him for about 2 years, and I'm not quite sure why he called. He's been seeing a woman for a couple of years but said something about it being stale, not going anywhere. I hate that for him BUT don't want (or plan) to get involved with him until/unless he's ended that relationship - and then I'm not sure I want to anyway. I enjoyed his company very much BUT I don't think there's much future there. The last time I talked to him, a couple years ago, he suggested that I would get along REALLY well with his girlfriend - silly me didn't get what he was suggesting at first. But I'm certainly NOT interested in going that route! So I doubt very much I would see him any more. But it was nice chatting and catching up.

I started working on my income taxes this evening - I'm really hoping for a big refund. Right now it's calcuclating a $7 refund - wa hoo! But I am not anywhere near being done so that should change significantly - I've barely started on deductions.

Off to bed for me, it's really cold and yucky outside so I'm going to wrap up in my down blanket and crash. And hopefully quit scratching!

Puzzles

I braved the potentially-icy roads to go to church this morning - and it wasn't all that bad. It's cold but the sun is shining, and life goes on. We got maybe an inch of snow at most, just enough to be pretty on the trees and bushes. While I would have loved to stay home in bed, I got dressed and hauled myself out into the world to church, and the gym after that.

Everyone was given a piece of a jigsaw puzzle when they entered the sanctuary this morning, and Pastor Charlie's message was called "where do I fit?" I found the sermon interesting, more so than usual, but it also brought something to mind, and I wanted to write about it.

When I lived in Pittburgh, I had a dear friend named Mary Lou, who was also a pseudo-mom to me. Mary Lou had 5 grown children, and the oldest was the same age as as me. She often shared stories and bits of wisdom from her mothering experiences, and this is one of those. Mary Lou told me that whenever she sensed there was something going on with one of her kids - a problem or some struggle, and they weren't talking about it - she got out a jigsaw puzzle and got it started on a table in their family room. She said it was amazing the conversations that would take place over that puzzle - including some discussion of that problem. I've never forgotten that advice - and used the idea a couple of times with my own kids too.

Hives????

I'm experiencing something really strange and am not sure what's going on. For a couple of weeks, I've noticed some itching on the palms of my hands, and some strange red blotches. Today it got a lot worse, and the blotches are all over the backs of my hands too. They're HIVES! Now, I've never had hives before in my life, and I have no idea why this has happened now. Maybe stress? I'm applying cortisone cream like mad, and going to take some Benedryl before I go to bed tonight. Hopefully this will subside in a day or two, but this is so weird. Maybe I'm allergic to work -hmmmmmmm.

Another Day in Paradise

Well, today was a lovely Monday, cold and yucky outside and my bed was way too warm and comfy at 5:30 AM. But I managed to haul myself up and out the door and into the real world once again. Work was crazy - I'm trying to juggle three major projects for 3 different bosses simultaneously, and I'm not sure how long I can keep it up. I managed to stay only 1/2 hour overtime but I DID finish up one of the projects, yea! I'm planning to go in early tomorrow and stay a little late again tomorrow and maybe I can keep afloat. And YES, I am turning in a time sheet for all of this - I got 3-1/2 hours OT last week and that adds up.

On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit better, emotionally but still having ups and downs. Deleting S from my cell phone was a freeing experience, though I haven't done that on my home phone yet but I will. I'm still struggling with getting my emotional eating under control, but one step at a time. I'd like to go work out at the gym but my foot is really hurting and, until I see the doctor about it on Thursday, I'm trying to take it easy.

I'm now talking to a new fellow from Yahoo Personals - I'll call this one R. Seems nice enough, has hair and teeth (and YES, that's an important thing - I'll explain that one sometime). But it's pretty early, we're just emailing so time will tell. I could write a BOOK about my internet dating experiences - and will try to get the highlights (and lowlights) on here at somepoint.

Ok here's the cute and funny story for the day. I had a long conversation with sister Jo yesterday (by the way, I haven't mentioned that I have 3 sisters and 2 brothers), and she related this tale about her little granddaughter, Scarlett. Scarlett is not quite 2 and adorable, and has a new baby brother, Jackson. Jo's husband Roy was visiting them and mentioned that, due to work, he was "pooped". Little Scarlet, hearing that, piped up with "Wipes!" and ran to get them to help her Pappy. AWWWWWWW how sweet! You can see her picture on Jo's blog, http://scrappily.blogspot.com/

Men Rambling Updates

Well I've manged to not blog for over a week, and that's not good. Doing this is really helpful, and I really need the help right now. I am trying hard to be ok with the loss of the relationship with S, and sometimes I even convince myself that I'm fine, I'm over him, and that he wasn't all that wonderful anyway. But, to be honest I just don't believe it. The past couple days have been real tough and I'm not sure why. I'm not sleeping well and that's adding to it all. I'm not sure why that's happening but if it's still that way when I have my scheduled physical with my doctor next month, I will discuss it with her. But for right now I'm just trying to get through one day at a time. Work has been very stressful and, that, added to lack of sleep, well, I'm just plain tired. But I know its' more than that - having dealt with depression previously, I suspect that I'm teetering on the brink. Being aware of that is a good step in the right direction, and I know what I need to do to help myself. But I'm giving myself a few days to just feel as miserable as I want to and, hopefully, get it out of my system.

I know I shouldn't feel this way - the relationship wasn't all that wonderful, and was pretty one-sided, now that I look at it with my new perspective. I gave a whole lot more than I ever got back from him, and I should have known better than to fall in love with someone who was so recently out a marriage, not yet divorced, and certainly not emotionally separated from his wife, in spite of his attempts at convincing me he was. But I did love him, and it really hurts. For him to just disappear without a word, after such a long time is particularly difficult to swallow. What did I do wrong? Was it me? Or is it simply that he doesn't know what (or who) he wants? That's my belief.

I'm trying hard to put it all past me and go on. But I miss my friend - the person I could talk to about anything. There are things I told him that I never told ANYONE, and I miss that friend. Looking back, I can see that things had changed, that there was some distance between us for the past couple of months so I should have guessed he was moving on. I just never expected it to be so abrupt, so unkind, so painful.

I'm back on the Internet dating sites, talking to a couple of people and met one for dinner but haven't heard from him in a couple of weeks. I suspect that I won't. Oh well, he was a bit short (and young) for my tastes anyway - and had young-ish kids. Not something I want to deal with. Another fellow seems really good but lives several hours away and I don' t see how that could work. But talking to him online, when I can, is nice - at least I feel that someone cares. And right now that helps.

Now, on to the RAT that I was married to. I met with the attorney last week and learned that I am totally screwed. Because our separation agreement was not notarized and filed in court, it is not valid and wouldn't hold up in court. And because I didn't file a Domestic Relations Order at the time of the divorce (I knew nothing about it), I have absolutely no claim to any of his pension or anything else. So now I'm faced with the probability of never being able to retire because I can't afford to. My mortgage won't be paid off until I am 81 years old! I will be working as the Walmart Greeter until I am 90. This really stinks. My friend Kay pointed out that at least I found it out now, and NOT when I was 65 and ready to retire, which is true. So I can try to plan accordingly. But at least, for now, I have a lovely home, drive a descent car, have good friends, and my kids love (and like) me. And that's a lot of good, and I am thankful for that.

Back to work

It was back to work for me today and MAN it was tough. I was off for 11 days straight. Getting up when that alarm went off was very difficult. On top of that, I knew I had to weigh in for our contest at work and with the way I've eaten junk over the holiday....... Much to my surprise, I LOST 1/2 lb. Not much, but better than gaining. A minor miracle, I'd say.

I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon with the daughter of "THE" barracuda of divorce attorneys, and she's also supposed to be really good. I need to go dig out some of my paperwork but it should be together, for the most part, so not too difficult.

It's RELLY cold and I would love to be snuggled up with someone in front of the fireplace. But no such luck. Oh well....

Happy 2008

Happy New Year! I hope that 2008 will be a great year for everyone. I spent the evening with my wonderful group of friends, and toasted in the new year with a glass of sparkling cider. In a few hours I am hosting most of them for brunch - coffee cake, a new quiche recipe, and mimosas. So I need to go vacuum and start cooking. But first I want to put down in print my New Year's Resolutions for 2008. Here goes:

1. Clean out one drawer, cupboard, or shelf each week.
2. Have at least 1 bag ready for pickup by the Veterans each month.
3. Go to the gym at least 3 times each week.
4. Get back to eating healthy - the holidays are over!
5. Get my finances in better order - record everything in my checkbook more frequently.
6. Go to bed a little earlier and read at least 15 minutes each night.
7. Resume having Monday night as "sewing night".

That's it for now. Do-able I'd say.

Happy 2008!