I've been struggling with some emotional stuff for a very long time - family issues, my divorce, my weight, and some problems with friends. All of it has been snowballing and catching up with me, and I'd about decided that I needed to start seeing a therapist, and perhaps go back on anti-depressants for a while. Well, I know now that I must do that.
Last night I found myself in a very difficult situation. Someone I thought was a friend has accused me of doing something that simply isn't true. I was completely caught off guard by the conversation, and am reeling emotionally from all of it. Things have been changing within my group of friends for quite some time, and I've been questioning the future of our friendship but I now feel that things will never be ok again. I'm angry and hurt - as is my friend, by what she believes I did. But while I am deeply sorry that she's hurt, I know in my heart that I've done nothing wrong, and that I would never, ever act in the manner she's stated.
I'm taking some time off from everything to try to work through this pain, and am actively searching for a new therapist for some professional help too. I know from my past, that when things are so bad, I cannot deal with everything alone. I also know that in time I will be ok, but will probably be minimizing, if not eliminating, contact with some of my friends.
I've let a lot of things go over the past year or so, and I simply can't continue to put myself in the position of being hurt and criticized for my beliefs. I've tolerated blank looks and no response when I've tried to discuss a problem, and no support when I've asked for help with my weight issues. I've been put down because I believe strongly in volunteering with various charities, and have been laughed at because I don't know what "real work is" because I'm not in a certain profession. This recent accusation is the proverbial straw, and this camel's back is painfully broken.
So I'm retreating, I give up. I've got to remove myself from what has become for me toxic relationships, and focus on me for a while. I think it's about time, past time for this, and what I must - and will - do.
